Kim Jong Un invited Bolton into his swimming pool for underwater follies and piranha fish ballet

Written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 11 June 2019

image for Kim Jong Un invited Bolton into his swimming pool for underwater follies and piranha fish ballet
Mr. Kim is reported working on a special mega-piss-ray he might use for executions if he feels like it

Hackers with Orwellophiles-‘R-Us have disclosed important information from the aftermath of the failed meeting between Kim Jong Un and the US back in February, 2019.

Corporation media lately have suggested Mr. Kim had removed as many as five important officials, right after the summit failure in Vietnam.

He did this in some kind of fit over failure of the conference.

All seemed going smoothly until Mr. Bolton arrived with a list of demands indicating the need for total capitulation of all North Korean weaponry.

That accomplished, the US might cancel a sanction or two, maybe.

Mr. Kim balked at this moment, and Mr. Trump walked so that he could review what the hell had just happened.

In the aftermath, according to numerous reports, several disappearances occurred, including Mr. Kim's own sister.

Was Special Envoy to the US Kim Hyok Chol particularly subject to Mr. Kim’s wrath and lust to execute people?

Mr. Kim is known to have a special fish tank in one of his residences filled with piranha fish, and is interested in “novel and exciting” methods of execution.

Accordingly, news reports indicated Mr. Kim Hyok Chol had his arms rent with knives right before being plunged into the pool with its razoring swarm of piranhas eager for action.

There has been one slight problem with these reports:

The supposed victims, including the US Envoy, have shown up alive and smiling.

To these developments, now revealed by Orwello-philes-'R-Us:

On the February failed visit in Vietnam, Mr. Bolton was given a special invitation, including transportation, to go to Mr. Kim’s villa which houses the piranha tank.

He was offered the benefits of special banqueting pool-side, plus an underwater pole-dancing exhibition with scantily clad females.

Piranhas were supplied—although possibly mechanized—to do what looked like ballet maneuverings around the females on their underwater poles.

Mr. Bolton was also promised a tour through galleries of North Korean execution chambers and schemes.

These range from the “standing guillotine apparatus” to “hanging and twisting,” to “burned alive upside down with a gallery of gamblers and roulette wheels attending.”

Mr. Bolton is reported to have politely disinclined these invitations, claiming he had important business elsewhere in stirring up wars with Iran and China.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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