Trump sits with hand on phone waiting for call from Iran

Written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 18 May 2019

image for Trump sits with hand on phone waiting for call from Iran
Trump with advisors: “Look, what do I know? I was in real estate.”

In an interview with The Guard Dog at The White House, Mr. Trump said, "All they have to do is call me,” Mr. Trump said.

The phone was in his lap at this point.

The Guard Dog then asked: “But, sir, there are reports all over mainstream media today that Iran is at fault here? And should de-escalate?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Mr. Trump responded. “All this talk about their weapons and what they can do with a few strikes, about closing the Straits of Hormuz . . . I mean, this is provocative!”

“But, sir, what about Mr. Bolton’s moving the carrier group to the region, plus talking about sending in 120,000 troops . . . Not provocative? Not escalating?”

“No, no, no, no. That was just all about defense. We have to defend ourselves now, don’t we. Including on the nuclear thingee.”

At this point the phone rang. The Guard Dog was not told to leave, so we now present our record of that conversation—from Mr. Trump’s side only.

“Very well, very well, very well! I knew you would call!”

. . .

“Yes, yes, I did say that! I certainly hope the US will NOT get into a war with Iran!”

. . .

“No, I mean, I’m thinking we can do a deal. You know, the war stuff was just trying to get your attention ha ha ha!”

. . .

“Was I serious . . . Was Bolton serious? Well, you know, he—“

. . .

“Well, I wouldn’t say that. Deranged and homicidal; first class whack job? Well, no. He’s a little high-strung and eager, you know, as with Pompeo, but I keep ‘em both in line.”

. . .

“No, no, no, I think you’ve misconstrued this situation. Look, we can do a better JCPOA--but without the BRICS people, and with your oil coming to us, you see.”

At this point the President turned and saw The Guard Dog standing by, eagerly taking notes.

He jerked his head to mean: Get out of here! The Guard Dog pretended not to understand.

. . .

“No, no, no! Look, I don’t want to let Bolton off his chain again, okay? Do you hear me? I mean I am the President of the United States, and this means that whoever you are, anywhere on the globe, you do what I say. Did you get that? Did you—”

. . .

“I-- What’s that? I can take a flying what and a hop and a jump?”

. . .

The President hung up the phone and stared over at The Guard Dog directly.

“Hung up on me! I’m shocked. I didn’t know the Iranians could cuss like that. Well, I’ll have to get with Bolt and Pompy right away.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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