Nashville Man Ironically Has No Memory of Memorial Day

Written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 29 May 2019

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Despite his lack of memory of Memorial Day, Hank Jessup honors those who've served. "I support our troops. All the way."

The week after the holiday honoring Americans who died for their country, Hank Jessup of Nashville, Tennessee, found, ironically, that he had no memory of Memorial Day.

“Blank slate,” said Jessup. “I was doing a little drinking.”

Jessup explained, however, that it wasn't the booze alone to blame for his inability to remember Memorial Day; he believes it was probably the combination of the hot sun, day-drinking and the general inanity of his friends’ conversation that conspired to make him completely forget the events of the holiday Monday.

When asked whether other mood-altering substances might have played a part in utterly obliterating his memory of Memorial Day, Jessup shrugged. “How the hell would I know? I can’t remember, remember?”

Although the holiday itself remains a total blank and not one that he can remember in the slightest, Jessup made clear that his inability to remember Memorial Day should not be taken as a lack of appreciation for Americans who gave their lives for the number-one country on the planet.

“I support our troops,” said Jessup. “All the way.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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