Marvel to Release Aunt Man and Uncle Woman

Written by Dave Henry

Saturday, 4 May 2019

image for Marvel to Release Aunt Man and Uncle Woman
Aunt Man about to kill the bad guy

The Marvel Universe is expanding as parent company Disney announced its latest entry, Aunt Man and Uncle Woman.

Aunt Man and Uncle Woman are not your typical superheroes. They are crossdressing crusaders who use deception to fool the bad guys.

Aunt Man, played by Jamie Foxx, uses her superpower of long, warm hugs to squeeze the life out of the unsuspecting evildoers. She then stabs them like a ninja with sewing needles.

Uncle Woman, played by Meryl Streep, bores the criminals to tears with stories of his childhood and then gives them a $10 bill for ice cream that’s laced with the poison that slowly kills them.

Foxx said he bulked up to play Aunt Man. “I really wanted to embody the character, so I ate a lot of hard candies and apple pies, and put on 50 pounds of auntie fat.” He also studied Mixed Martial Knitting for the role.

Streep said she lost her hair and took up golf to prepare for the role of Uncle Woman. “I also listened to a lot of Rush Limbaugh and Fox News to embody Uncle Woman’s right wing zealotry,” Streep said.

Marvel expects this film to smash all previous box office records. It will also feature a cameo by James Franco as the villain Creepy Home-schooled Cousin.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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