President Trump has recently and hastily created a temporary public/private Agency of Asylum and Indentured Servitude.
"Being the genius that I am, my family and I have colluded to seize upon terrified asylum seekers' vulnerabilities by creating another in a long line of shitty scams to empty innocent people's pockets," Trump stated.
Trump issued a presidential mandate to his Homeland Security Secretary to create this temporary agency under the control and oversight of Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump. This public/private partnership will steal taxpayers' funds and create a heavily indentured population of migrants.
Trump's new agency will impose steep, and recurring, lifelong fees on asylum seekers. The agency will levy work permit fees in perpetuity, which long after the agency's dissolution, will transfer control of these fees over to the Trump organization.
"Elite interests will always require labor from the most vulnerable people, including migrants. My scheme will create a new angle in the modern system of indentured servitude," stated Trump.
The taxpayer will be left holding the bag for the creation, operation, and dismantling of the agency, and the Trump organization will reap the illegal rewards.
"I win, I always win! If I can't keep people out, then I'll bring them in and punish them by turning them into slaves!" Trump stated.