Nappy-Headed Nubians Sighted In Halls Of Congress

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Wednesday, 17 April 2019

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Nappy-Headed Nubian

BILLINGSGATE POST: It is Spring In Washington. With the cherry blossoms abloom and new faces in Congress, hopes of change rise and fall with the passing of each day. In a rare confluence of whim and destiny, Washingtonians are atwitter over the sightings of rare Nappy-Headed Nubians in the halls of Congress.

The species, crispus capillus nubius, are indigenous to the northern Sudan and southern Egypt, and did not inhabit North America when it was discovered by Columbus. A related specie that is more commonly seen in the Washington area, the Dreadlock-Headed Nubian, exhorresco obfirmo nubio, also came from Africa, and has very dark feathers and usually is seen with hooped earrings and braided or extended feathers.

Ornithologists from the Smithsonian Institute trace the Nappy-Headed specie back to Nubia, the homeland of Africa's earliest black civilization. With a history which can be traced from 2000 B.C. onward, Nubia was a land of great natural wealth, of gold mines, ebony, ivory and incense, which was always prized by her neighbors. In their long history, which can be traced to the dawn of civilization, the Nubians first settled along the banks of the Nile from Aswan. Along this great river they developed one of the oldest and greatest civilizations in Africa.

The Nappy-Headed Nubians and the Dreadlock-Headed Nubians conquered each other many times in their history. But, with the influx of Arabs to Egypt and Sudan, there was a suppression of the Nubian identity following the collapse of the last Nubian kingdom in 1900. A major part of the modern Nubian population were totally Arabized, and were converts to Islam. The unique characteristics of the Nappy-Headed Nubian are their feathers, strut, and ability to mimic music by rapping.

The Nubians who have been newly sighted in Congress appear to have much the same characteristics, and are adored by the media, who fall all over themselves when they see these birds extend their feathers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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