Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 11 April 2019

image for Man Has Made Changes To The Way He Wipes His Arse
Paper: for heathens

A man has revealed one of his most intimate secrets to people he does not know, on an internet website.

Karl Mowton, 35, says that he used to finish off his turds by standing up to wipe his bottom, but now sits down to do so.

"It's been a slow and difficult process," said Karl, "but I kept at it, and saw it through. It's been a learning curve, and, I think, well worth the trouble."

He's now trying to convince others to 'make the move'.

In the past, he claims, it was a matter of 'reaching around the corner' and using the tissue to remove the traces of faeces that had been left around the sphincter, but this sometimes left him 'off balance'. Now, however, although the cleaning action remains much the same, his center of balance - his fulcrum, if you like - is more stable from a sitting position, meaning there is far less chance of tottering over whilst dabbing.

But wiping at all has been criticized by social commentator, Moys Kenwood, who asked:

"If you, somehow, got a bit of shit on your face, would you wipe it with a bit of bogroll, or would you, instead, wash your face with soap and water?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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