Written by C/L

Tuesday, 2 April 2019

AP reporter, Quigley Sand, recently obtained a leaked set of instructions from William Barr to his staff on how to specifically redact the Mueller Report.

The following instructions in regards to the redaction of the Mueller Report are as follows:

1. All Sensitive materials are to be thoroughly identified in the following areas of the report: grand jury information, intelligence sources and methods, ongoing investigations, and information about peripheral third parties.

2. After the appropriately identified sensitive materials have been marked for redaction; the report is to be delivered to the maintenance-equipment storage area in the basement of the Justice Department.

3. You will find a ten gallon drum of black printer's ink in a fancy wooden crate marked, 'Gift of the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia'.

4. Uncrate and open the drum of ink. Place the report in a fry-o-lator basket marked, 'Property of the Kremlin kitchen'.

5. As unofficially ordered by the president; dip the fry-o-lator basket, with the report, into the ink, and let it soak for at least 72 hours.

6. Remove the basket from the drum and allow the report to dry.

7. Once dry, inspect the entire report to make sure that all sensitive materials have been "completely redacted"!

8. After it's been determined that every page has been "redacted"; place the report in official Justice Department packaging, and send it on to the Congressional Judiciary Committee, "ASAP".

Faithfully submitted,

William S. Barr

Attorney General of the United States of America.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more