Heartbreaking: 2 Year Old Labrador Feels Trapped in Own Home.

Written by Jesus H. Christ

Monday, 25 March 2019

Speaking of the stresses that come along with having to constantly cater to the family’s needs, Bailey, a 2 year old Labrador Retriever, stated that he planned to run away from the family… again.

“I just feel like I can never be myself around them”, stated Bailey in an exclusive interview, “I can never just relax and lounge around without one of them coming over to pet me or play with my ears or something. I always have to pretend like I’m actually enjoying myself when in reality, I’m not at all. I lay on my back and wag my tail, even though in reality, I wish that I could just curl up in my bed and die...”

“Oh. Yes, this has been going on for a while, now”, said Bailey when asked about previous attempt to run away. “I got so fed up last time that I just tried my best to run away. It was dark, and everyone else was asleep, so I just decided to run as fast as I could. All that day…, I could never just be myself, as I’d said… just constant forced tail wagging, and… I just had to hide it all away, you know? It gets tiring, and I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“So I just ran and ran. But then it got light, and after a while, I saw my face on pieces of papers… I got so nervous. People were looking for me, so I decided to hide in my backyard, but… they found me.”

“Now I think it’s final. I’m going to run away and never come back. It’s been long enough. Being adopted was supposed to be good, but it has proved just the opposite. Maybe after I run, I will finally be able to be with myself...”

At press time, Bailey was reported dead after being crushed under the tires of his owners vehicle. The owners said in a statement that they were just returning home from work. His funeral has been scheduled for February 30th. He was a good boy.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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