Last adults in the room step forward to deal with Covington boys in MAGA hats

Written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 24 January 2019

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New campaign underway for protection of the country

The facts are now in on the Covington boys in the MAGA hats on their trip to the Lincoln Memorial.

The MAGA hat is now being studied as causing brainlock, wild eyes, hysterical convulsions, purblind news reports, plus endangering the country.

The boys were waiting for a bus. A group of black Hebrew Israelites hurled insults. A Native American man decided intervening by marching over and banging his drum at the boys was a good idea.

The boys were amused and did some smirking, chanting, and dancing. The main boy, Nick Sandmann, smiled into the face of the Native American.

A sweeping hysterical moaning and frothing at the mouth crossed the country as with a sudden onslaught of flu and measles mixed with Bubonic Plague.

The storm moaned and whined all around that the boys had behaved with terrible disrespect, including the audacity of wearing MAGA hats in public.

Nick Sandmann then explained himself and also wrote about his response.

He had decided calling on his fellow students to do their chants and smile was best instead of anger.

But the storm and brouhaha had intensified into charges of racism, bigotry, lying, nastiness, and low-down sneaking impertinence instead of Decency Across The Land.

Out came numerous demands for the boys to apologize.

Insults, death threats, burning the boys’ school to the ground, erasing the Catholic Religion from the face of the earth, putting all wearers of MAGA hats into jail with indefinite sentencing screamed across the land like a banshee storm with horrific winds and no storm cellar to go to.

Mainstream news rooms were happy with all the attention.

The Native American Mr. Philipps said he was inclined “to forgive” the boys for what the last adults in the room had understood to be a monstrous breach of proper boy behavior.

Nick Sandmann said he felt no need to apologize for other people’s hysteria.

The last adults in the room thereby genuflected to their emotions while spasmodically hurling more insults, threats, and outrage before retiring to the nearest Burger King for breakfast.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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