Kavanaugh, Ford and others to undergo “I don’t remember” testing analysis re bio records at under twenty something

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 23 September 2018


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image for Kavanaugh, Ford and others to undergo “I don’t remember” testing analysis re bio records at under twenty something
Ms. Ford and Judge Kavanaugh have said they "don't remember" being involved in this photo taken at the party

Chairman of the Judiciary Committee, Senator Grassley of Iowa, announced today that additional to testimony next week in the Kavanaugh affair, special memory testing procedures have been initiated.

Not the same as lie detector testing, the new memory testing equipment can ascertain that when a person says “I don’t remember” he/she does not actually remember.

This equipment was invented following the Nixon administration wherein Mr. Nixon advised his staff to take the “I don’t remember” posture in any embarrassing circumstances with official investigations.

This “I don’t remember” ploy is now a hallmark procedure in today’s politics.

Known as the deus machinae ex memoria equipment (“the god of the machine from the memory,” manufactured in China), participants in the Judge Kavanaugh drama will test Monday.

Most recently, a lifelong friend of Ms. Ford made a statement indicating that, after the incident at the party, it was talked about all the following week.

She indicated support for Ms. Ford, then deleted her statement due to the harrassing consequences (calls for interviews plus curiosity seekers) from having spoken.

The males included in Ms. Ford’s allegation have all used the “I don’t remember” response, as has Mr. Kavanaugh himself.

Lawyers for Mr. Kavanaugh and the others insist that their clients are “as clean as a hound dog’s tooth in this matter.”

Further ascertained, as 17-year-olds at the time, their conduct was impeccable at such gatherings as private parties with alcohol and no supervising adults.

Indeed, Mr. Kavanaugh and his colleagues were already, at that young age, planning professional careers, and fully conscious of the need for conduct with integrity.

Their relations with the opposite sex, even under a head of alcohol, and surrounding temptations, were maximized at restraint, dignity, and deliberate, controlled behavior.

Adolescent experiment, curiosity, competition, ego, exploration, and generally stupid youthful behavior were strictly outlawed.

The “I don’t remember” machinery locks into brain scanning and the complete records of everything said on this matter, plus impact on the upcoming midterm elections.

Results indicate one only of the following:

*“clean as a hound’s tooth”

*“lying in his/her teeth about this matter”

*"inconclusive" (i.e. too hot and nasty for current political situation)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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