State of Louisiana Vows To "Kick President's Ass"

Funny story written by King David

Thursday, 25 January 2007


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The French Quarter Where "The French Kiss" Was Invented

The state of Louisiana vowed to "kick President Bush's ass" for failing to mention their ongoing struggle to rebuild in his State of the Union address last night. In a statement made by Walter Leger, a citizen member of the Louisiana Recovery Agency and Louisiana Governor, Kathleen Blanco, "we are incensed that he didn't even mention us down here," Leger said.

"It certainly is a disappointment," said Blanco.

But the president merely dismissed the indefatigable statements as "horse piss" saying that New Orleans was just a pit of vipers and unrequited sin and needed to drop off into the Gulf anyway.

"That foot needs a bath in salt water," he said. Have you ever been there? When I was governor of Texas, me and the boys used to take side trips into the quarter to blow off a little steam. I know what's down there. We can't even keep Federal mail carriers employed because no one is reliable enough to deliver the mail."

"I guess the pains of the hurricane are yesterday's news in Washington, but for us it's still very real and something we fight every day," said Blanco. "That preppy rich boy wouldn't know adversity if it hit him over the head. Show us your tits my ass!"

The federal government has already allocated more than $100 billion to the Gulf Coast region and the president has sent a memo to Blanco requesting that she show her tits to Washington, but hasn't gotten any response.

"We thought she'd be a ringer," the president said, "being from New Orleans and all."

But for the people in New Orleans still living in trailers 17 months after Katrina struck; for parents whose children on waiting lists for schools; for the people who drive by empty shells of homes and businesses every day; they say they were looking for reassurance from their president that they hadn't been forgotten and a statement like "show us your tits" just didn't cut the mustard.

Italy was reported to be jumping in on Louisiana's side, but wouldn't reveal what they would be wearing during the giant presidential boot.

"Just to be ironic, we may wear something low cut in front just to tantalize the old frat boy while we're kicking the president's ass," a spokesperson for Italian fashions said.

A spokesman for the Super Bowl said that the timing might be just right to approach the state and the country to time their boot with the opening kick off the Super Bowl.

"Wouldn't that be something?" he said.

Companies were said to already be preparing commercials for the event.

In other news today, the president sent a memo to the Queen of England requesting her to show Washington her tits.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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