Paris Hilton's Advice To George Bush After State Of Union: "Don't quit. You're Hot!"

Funny story written by Ed E. Druckman

Wednesday, 24 January 2007

image for Paris Hilton's Advice To George Bush After State Of Union: "Don't quit. You're Hot!"
"Stick it to them dems." P. Hilton

(Los Angeles--CA) The Simple Life star Paris Hilton found time to offer words of encouragement to President Bush after his State of the Union address. "I may not be the brightest bulb in the drawer," said Hilton, "but even I can see that George Bush knows how to kick booty as good as I know how to eat a Carl's Jr." When asked what advice she would give Bush now having to deal with a Democratic majority Congress, Hilton was quick to respond. "Don't quit. You're hot."

The comment seems to have found the right ears. President Bush mentioned Hilton's comment today during his Rose Garden press conference, when a reporter asked how the President felt after freshman Democrat Senator Jim Webb implied the White House's new plan for Iraq had all the vision of Mr. Magoo playing Oedipus after the eye gouging. "If it comes down to listening to an elected official, who was a commander in Vietnam, who was awarded the Navy Cross for exceptional heroism and two purple hearts or an American, all I have to say is, 'Don't quit. You're hot.'" A follow-up question by CNN's John King asking if the American to whom the President was referring was Paris Hilton was answered by President Bush in a style that proved he had lost none of his press savvy. "Now John, I can't tell you that. Who do I look like, Scooter Libby?" Bush then quickly retracted the statement. "I have the highest respect for Lewis Libby. For what's happened, who can plame him?"

During an exclusive IM interview with Hilton, Jade Berko, of, asked Hilton about President Bush's remarks. Hilton texted the following response. "First, I'm really pleased that the President thinks I'm hot. I think he's hot too. And I'm not just saying that to be polite, because he said 'you're hot' first. Second, when you're hot, well, you're hot. And George Bush is hot." Hilton then cited a tragic example from her own life as a lesson from which the President could learn. "It's like with me and Nicole. We split. But can I call her a slut? Well, yeah. But because she's hot, I can't tell her to quit The S Life. Hang in there Mr. Prez! XXX00."

Calls to Senator Webb's office for a reaction to Hilton's text message were met with the following statement. "Senator Webb values the opinions of all citizens. And while he has not seen The Simple Life, he has seen some of Ms. Hilton's other video work online. And Senator Webb would like to take this opportunity to say to Paris, 'Don't quit. You're hot.'"

Nicole Richie and Dick Cheney were unavailable for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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