Pocahontas Visits Pocahontas

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 7 January 2019

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BILLINGSGATE POST: if you ever visit Princess Park in Pocahontas, Iowa, you must check out the 25' tall Pocahontas statue, her custom-built teepee and a historic log cabin. While there, check out the historic Pocahontas Court House. Be sure to stop at the Udder Cow to get a malted milk or a hamburger.

It’s beyond coincidence that the latter day Pocahontas, Elizabeth Warren, chose this town of 1700 residents to deny that she was a Native American. After failing her much ballyhooed DNA test, she is now spending her campaign wampum attempting to convince Iowans that she is not a squaw, never was a squaw and never claimed to be a squaw, so help me, Nanook.

Living so close to nature, Native Americans could see into the souls of animals, such as the beaver. Until the White Man came, it was a difficult but healthy life, with no churches or discarded douche bags to litter the pristine prairies and the streams that beavers called home.

Other than its name, this city has no real connection to the blessed Pocahontas. When Donald Trump playfully first pinned this moniker on Elizabeth Warren, he meant no reflection on Pocahontas or the eponymously named city in Iowa.

So if Pocahontas wants to test the waters in Iowa to see if she has any credibility among the voters there, let her be warned: This ain’t Kansas.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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