BILLINGSGATE POST: Regardless of your political leanings, a chance to be privy to a once-in-life-time conversation between Slim Everdingle and Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler as they talk about the ultimate trifecta; Skanks, Mueller and the Quasimodo Effect, should not be lightly dismissed by the casual observer
After endless nights sequestered in their beloved 1951 Midnight Black Studebaker Champion staking out the Mueller-Comey team, to deny them a little levity would seem wrong. Slim Everdingle, who in another world would have been given a medal for indulgence, has had to fend off an endless barrage of popcorn farts from his feckless partner. Learning to stoically dismiss this as just another cost of doing business with Dirty did not come easily for Slim.
This night was not unlike most nights until it was different. Mueller and Comey were skanking out again: Mueller was outfitted appropriately in a pink, ruffled tulle with satin shrugs; he was so ugly that it was rumored that when he was a child his parents had to tie a porkchop around his neck so the family dog would play with him. Comey, who is well-over six-feet tall, looked slightly sheepish in a flamenco dress, needlessly complimented by a yellow feather boa that made him appear even more geekish than usual: J Edgar Hoover would have likely approved.
WHOOP...WHOOP! The silence of the nocturnal setting ended with a jolt. Dirty was screaming like a Banshee rag picker:
“SKUNK ALPHA! SKUNK BRAVO!”
Slim was jolted from his sleep: “What the f**k is going on, Dirty? What the f**k is a SKUNK ALPHA and SKUNK BRAVO?
“Navy jargon, Slim. Radar has just identified the first and second enemy target. Designated them as ALPHA and BRAVO. If you can’t keep up, just tell me.”
“F**k you, Dirty. Don’t try to pimp me with your Navy bullshit. Just say SKANK ONE and SKANK TWO are in the vicinity. Nuff said.”
Dirty: “Slim, I have a hunch you have never heard of the Quasimodo Effect.”
“What’s that, Dirty? It better be good."
“Too many bells ringing in your belfry, tee...hee.”