Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Enforcers at the IRS foreign scams division have whacked Harry’s self-styled Princess Nutmeg with a $25m tax bill following a valuation of freebies milked from the British state.
The move means the US Z-Lister actress has had to scupper gargantuan aspirations to a 25-bed Kensington Palace grace and favor apartment.
And ‘make do’ with a ‘pokey 5-bedder’ near Windsor’s Plonkers Gate.
“Newly-wed gold digger Nutmeg is utterly heartbroken,” Uncle Sam’s spokesman said at a Spoof Writers Conference, “at being thwarted in her historic condominium take-over.”
Experts say an annual US tax charge of $10m is likely to be the IRS’s opening bid for the royal accommodation and state-bankrolled security.
And that’s before a similar levy for use of royal family baubles, including the late Queen Mother’s notorious Hellfire Tiara which she wore to seduce Hitler’s Pope in 1939.
Commenting on the reports a Palace flunkey poo-pooed the whole idea and insisted a falling out with other royal scroungers ‘like Kate and William’ was actually behind Meg flouncing off from Kensington Palace:
“The whole story’s bollox,” he said in an official statement.
However up to fifty prospective wet nurses, nannies, housekeepers, cooks, chauffeurs, butlers, valets and ass-orted arse-wipers are now job hunting following the tragedy.
And Baby Nutmeg’s spawning remains up in the heir.