Citing his unbelievable success at everything he has ever attempted, Donald Trump resigned from the office of president of the United States.
I have achieved all I have set out to accomplish in record time. My ratings were greater than any other president in history.
It is time for me to step aside, so that my four children can each have their turn at being president, to which they are entitled, by the bill I just signed into law by imperial order.
I love you all, and look on you as my babies.
He then drove off into the sunset in a golf cart.