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How to Deal with the Fact that You are a Complete and Total Loser

WARNING: This article was written by a rage-filled and heavily intoxicated author who feels a constant need to express disgusting and needless humor for the sole purpose of fulfilling his own vile ego. It lacks any sort of idealistic cause, and it basically says nothing that should be thought about deeply or even remembered. Thematic patterns do not exist within the structure of its content, gr...

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Man Feels Like Loser

Funny story: Man Feels Like Loser

38-year-old Wisconsin man, Louis Shortpecker, recently told news reporters that he feels like a complete loser. "I'm not really sure why, but sometimes I get the subtle feeling that I'm a complete loser. Maybe I feel this way because I haven...

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Phil Collins says that "Incels" like him should just have a big wank

Funny story: Phil Collins says that "Incels" like him should just have a big wank

Phil Collins is a 67 year old bald man best known for playing drums and sometimes yelping along. He is also an "Incel" or involuntarily celibate person, and he has a message for other Incels like him. "I never lost me virginity nor nuffing until I...

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Hillary renamed book "I Fart"

Funny story: Hillary renamed book "I Fart"

In an effort to boost flagging sales, the notorious loser, Hillary, has renamed her losing 'book', from the insipid "What Happened?", to "I Fart". The new publisher selected for this new edition is a little known vanity publisher the name of which w...

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Trump Fires Himself From Campaign

Funny story: Trump Fires Himself From Campaign

Donald Trump said to himself today, "You're Fired," as he exited his campaign for the Presidency. He held a press conference today at the Trump Tower. "Believe me, you can count on the fact that I'm out of the campaign you low-energy press losers...

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Debate Over Effectiveness of Positive Thinking and Affirmations Rages among Losers; Winners Have Little to Say on Subject

Funny story: Debate Over Effectiveness of Positive Thinking and Affirmations Rages among Losers; Winners Have Little to Say on Subject

A study recently released by the Self-Center for American Psychology noted a sharp divide among losers regarding the effectiveness of the positive self-statements known as "affirmations"; winners, however, had little to say on the subject. Accordi...

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George Zimmerman vs. Justin Bieber Cage Fight To Be Held Friday!

Funny story: George Zimmerman vs. Justin Bieber Cage Fight To Be Held Friday!

George Zimmerman, the unemployed Sanford FL hot head who shot and killed an unarmed teenager, is trying to make a buck anyway he can on his 15 minutes of vomit inducing fame. Zimmerman's agent Sal Douchbaggie announced today that Georgie will be f...

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Millennialosers

Funny story: Millennialosers

The media portrays millennials as lazy little losers who won't get off the couch long enough to apply for a job. But not all millennials are disaffected, undisciplined people. Take my little Janie, for example. Janie wants a job - she just hasn't found one yet. But we think she is going to start looking one of these days. According to the media, millennials use drugs and alcohol to forget thei...

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Made-up United set for promotion, Imaginary Town to be relegated

Funny story: Made-up United set for promotion, Imaginary Town to be relegated

After the opening match of the season, Made-up United's magnificent two goal win over Imaginary Town has Made-up's fans looking froward to a promotion party at the end of the season. "We were magnificent," said Dominic Fridge, a life-long Made-up...

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National Humiliation New Logistical Key to Success

Funny story: National Humiliation New Logistical Key to Success

ATLANTA - Wanna win a national championship? Get UPS to air a TV ad featuring your team getting crushed as an example of excellent logistics. Just ask the University of Kentucky. For the 2012 UK Wildcats men's basketball team, UPS did just tha...

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British Man loses at Tennis, world keeps turning

Funny story: British Man loses at Tennis, world keeps turning

The only British man who is any good at tennis lost today to one of the many, many blokes who just happen to be better than him at it. "He lost well", said Susan Crochet, tennis correspondent of The Daily Middlebrow "he lost to the standard we've...

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UK investigative reporter discovers that male television couch potatoes have been replaced by a group of males known as 'humour site crosswriters.'

Funny story: UK investigative reporter discovers that male television couch potatoes have been replaced by a group of males known as 'humour site crosswriters.'

Recent studies conducted by England's highly respected Jane Johnson Institute of Journalistic Gender Disorders located in Wolverhampton, West Midlands has discovered a new male dysfunction. This new affliction is unique for several reasons. First...

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You Win Loser of the Year Award

LOS ANGELES - At the International People of the Year Awards 2011, you won the Loser of the Year Award. Ben Stiller presented you with the award stating: "This person has been such a loser that the fact the person even got here without getting injured is a miracle." You gracefully stumbled down the aisle to the stage, where you mumbled a few words of thanks. "I didn't really feel surprise...

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Can You Fucking Stop Blowing Stuff Up in the Name of a Religion That Mostly Doesn't Want You To?

STOCKHOLM & LONDON - Taimor al-Whatever attempted to blow up a busy shopping district in Stockholm. The retard. The guy had three fucking bombs and missed - anybody. That's good. The loser deserved it. Where's your jihad now? Bet he went to he...

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Loser wins something

Funny story: Loser wins something

Loser, John Strumpet, today found himself in the usual grip of losing a football game, playing for his local amateur team "Bob's Boys" - only to find himself slotting home two beautiful crafted and taken goals in the dying minutes. "It was amazing...

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Former High School Quarterback Now a Total Loser

Funny story: Former High School Quarterback Now a Total Loser

Medium Rock, AK - Senior year at Medium Rock High School was memorable for Johnny Wallbanger. The Medium Rock quarterback averaged 10 touchdown passes per game and threw for hundreds of yards, propelling his team to the top of their division. Wallb...

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Losers flock to 'Whack-the-Banker

Funny story: Losers flock to 'Whack-the-Banker

The owner of a pier arcade in Suffolk, has re-invented an old favourite where people had the opportunity to hit the well-known garden pest, the mole. He has found that the new version, which also allows the public to attack another well known high-st...

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Mildly Attractive Woman is Ambivilant about Trashy, Comic-con Geek

Funny story: Mildly Attractive Woman is Ambivilant about Trashy, Comic-con Geek

Dearest Madame Bitters, I'm a single woman well into my 30's and I'm more than ready to settle down. I'm dating a man who is sweet and considerate, but he is a loser in every other sense. He's a garbage man, he's 50lbs overweight and a horrible dresser. He goes to comic book and sci-fi conventions and he says, "Okie dokie," way, way too much. He's crazy about me and he wants to make a life with...

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Breaking news…

The Queen Takes A Knee

The Queen of England takes a knee in front of Trump during the playing of the Stars Spangle Banner, joining the protest.
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