Trump and NRA solve problem of school shootings

Funny story written by Philip J. Moss

Sunday, 20 May 2018

President Trump and the National Rifle Association announced at a joint news conference that together they would urge Congress to appropriate $12,800,000,000 to provide every student in the country with a ballistic vest.

"It's a win-win situation," the President stated. "The students win because they'll be protected and the economy wins because of the terrific boost to manufacturing from this investment in our children's safety."

NRA spokeswoman Dana Loesch pointed out that there would be other benefits as well.

"They can wear these vests at home, to protect them from shootings by family members, and on trips to the mall, to protect them from stray bullets."

The announcement set off a massive lobbying effort by the major manufacturers of ballistic vests, but some questioned the practicality of the initiative. However, some questioned whether the quoted price would be adequate to provide vests for the estimated 85 million students in public schools.

"At that figure, the vest would have to sell for less than $200 apiece," one economist noted, "while the current retail prices are between $230 and over $800."

However, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was quick to point out that the cost of manufacturing vests for the smaller children would be a lot less, "because they require less material."

"I don't think they can make vests small enough for kindergartners, one pediatrician said, "never mind those in pre-K."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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