James Comey Reveals All In Exclusive Interview

Funny story written by JennyNorthStar

Friday, 20 April 2018

ONLY IN AMERICA - After the world was just recuperating from the Hillary Clinton never ending book tour...Shazam...here comes another one! Former FBI Director James Comey's book tour. As before with Hillary, the left-wing main stream media is going goo goo gaga over the Trump hating Jim Comey. His ABC Sunday night interview with George Stephanopoulos and numerous other televised discussions reveal a lot about his character, motivations, and state of mind during his tenure as FBI director. Only a few days into the book tour, airwaves have already been inundated with Jim Comey gobbledygook.

Although Comey tries to portray himself as the epitome of virtue and honesty, his own commentary leaves doubt about the veracity of his statements. Recent revelations concerning his previous FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe, who has just been referred by the Inspector General to the department of justice for criminal prosecution, cast further doubt. His former head of FBI counterintelligence Peter Strzok and FBI lawyer Lisa Page, who were having an illicit affair and who openly showed their disdain for Trump in their discovered text messages, makes one wonder what was really going on at the FBI.

In my humble view, the latest FBI and Comey revelations raise more questions than answers. In an exclusive one-on-one interview with James Comey, I had the opportunity to find out the truth.

Excerpts from my tell-all interview follow.

Comey's Wife and daughters

Me: "In last Sunday's interview on ABC and other on camera discussions, you revealed how much your wife and daughters loved Hillary Clinton and very much wanted Hillary Clinton to be the first woman president. You also said your daughters and wife attended the Women’s March the day after Trump was inaugurated to show their disdain. Doesn't that mean you had some extra political pressure from home that influenced you decisions concerning the Hillary Clinton email investigation?"

Comey: "Well, maybe just a little. Can you imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn't exonerated Hillary Clinton? Pure HELL!!! Not that sissified Hell people learn about in Sunday school. True Hell on earth: A woman's scorn. Do you really think I'd be getting any after that? Can you really blame me for taking matters into my hands? If I hadn't, I would have being taking matters into my hands for the rest of my marriage."


Me: "You said in one of your memos and testimony before congress that Trump said if there was 'some satellite' who’d done something that it would be good to find that out. Didn't that mean that Trump wasn't trying to obstruct justice, but rather wanted the investigation to continue?"

Comey: " No, not all. As old as Trump is, I interpreted that to mean he was referring to Sputnik, the first artificial Earth satellite launched by the Soviet Union in 1957. How un-American is that? Talking about a Russian Satellite! That only proves he was colluding with the Russians."


Me: "You testified before Congress that you sent the most damaging excerpts from one of your personal memos about a Trump meeting to a Columbia University law professor and close friend so it could be leaked to the New York Times. You also said you hoped the story about your interactions with President Trump would prompt the appointment of a special counsel, which it did. Since then, via Twitter and during press conferences, Trump has repeatedly called you a leaker. Does that bother you?"

Comey: "The truth is, this is a little embarrassing, I am a leaker. You've probably heard me say during my interviews and testimony before congress I get a little nauseated and queasy. Also, sometimes when I laugh, like at the things I have done to Trump, I leak. A man of my size it's hard to find a pair of adult diapers that fit."

Dirty Dossier

Me: "There has been a lot written and discussed about that unsubstantiated, salacious Christopher Steele dossier that reported Trump was in a Russian hotel room with hookers who peed on the bed. And, in turn, used by you to obtain a FISC warrant to spy on Trump and his associates. You said when you discussed the dossier in private with Trump you didn't think it was important to tell him that it was paid for by Hillary Clinton and the Democratic National Committee. Why is that?"

Comey: "Actually, it's quite simple. I thought Trump would get as sexually aroused by reading the dossier as my buds and me did at the FBI. Who cares who paid for it? It was fun, fun, fun!!! As you can imagine, things can be a little dull at the FBI at times and we needed to spice things up a little. If it wasn't so good, why else would CNN and all the other networks spend sooooooooo much time talking about it?"

Peter Strzok and Lisa Page

Me: "A little dull at the FBI? What about those 30,000 text messages sent between those love birds Peter Strzok and Lisa Page who were having a sexual affair?

Comey: "Although I kept quiet, I knew Lisa loved Peter. Wanted Peter. Needed Peter. Women get turned on by men who have a badge and carry a big gun. I even overheard her say when he brought his handcuffs, she knew it was going to be extra fun. I really didn't care what they were doing or that they didn't do much other than send messages to each other. I was just happy they would help me bring down Trump.


Me: "In your first encounters with Trump, you talked in great length about how much time you spent looking at Trump's hair. How you thought the white patches under his eyes and orange skin were created by goggles and a tanning bed. Even commented on the length of his hands and tie. Are you gay?"

Comey: "That's not a very nice question. Although there's nothing wrong with being gay. Just because a man spends more time looking at another man's hair, eyes, hands, and staring at the tie between his legs, rather than listening to what he is saying, doesn't mean he is gay."


Me: "That brings me to my final question. As you have so passionately discussed your first public appearance with Trump, where during a White House visit for a ceremony honoring law enforcement officials you tried to blend in with the drapes to avoid being called out by President Donald Trump. What were you really doing in those drapes?"

Comey: "Blushing.....Well, since I'm a man of integrity, I'll tell the truth. Ever since I was a little boy I always wanted to be director of the FBI. J Edgar Hoover was my idol, mentor, and I wanted to emulate everything he did. As you probably already know he was a cross dresser. I had always admired those blue drapes and had pondered what a beautiful dress they would make. As you can imagine being 6' 8" it's hard to find clothes that fit. I was just trying them on, so to speak."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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