In what stunned reporters at a White House press conference this afternoon, President of The United States, Donald J. Trump, went on a 15 minute rant about a few things he wanted to get off his chest.
The president was quoted as saying, "Right now, I have a tiny speaker in my ear that tells me what to say. Vladimir Putin speaks into his microphone, and I simply repeat whatever he says. Vladimir wants me to tell you that he is not very happy with the sanctions. Because of this, he is forcing me to tell the truth about myself.
For starters, the whole Russia collusion thing, totally true. Busted!
Another thing we want to get straight is I don't care about anyone except myself, and all these laws I'm passing are totally just so I can pocket billions of dollars.
The American people are a bunch of suckers, whose sole purpose is for me to loot as hard as possible.
As a close, Trump went on additional 20 minutes listing all the hookers he's been with, and the nasty nicknames they have for him.