Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 16 April 2018

image for No Shit News: Donald Trump And Syria
Jay Labier of NSN

Hello, everyone, this is No Shit News letting you know what's REALLY happening around the world today. That's NSN for the Truth! Here's Jay Labier.

"Sup everyone? Er, I wanna tell ya 'bout what's goin on over there in Syria. On Saturday, the combined forces of the US, the UK, and France dropped 105 missiles onto targets inside the country. US Defence Secretary Jim Mattis told us that:

"Decisive action has been taken against the Syrian government's chemical weapons infrastructure."

Yeah right, Jim! We should believe you because WHAT, my friend? Because the Syrian government says it complied with orders to destroy any chemical weapons it held way back in 2013?

And this 'decisive action' was taken because, as the BBC reports, there had been:

"...a suspected chemical attack on the then-rebel-held town of Douma"

"Suspected"? That means we're not absolutely sure, right? It means we could be bombing the shit outta somewhere because of something we suspect may have happened, right? Something that, dare I say it, Jim, may not have happened?

And we're all supposed to believe President Trump when he says President al-Assad was lying when he said that Syria had never used chemical weapons, that right?

I'd like, on behalf of everyone here at NSN, to say to viewers that, if there is ONE thing we DO know about the complex situation in the Middle East, it's that, back in the US, the people in general population don't know the first thing about it.

And we're not being told the truth.

That's a fact, assholes. In fact, it's two facts. That's how gullible you are.

Check us out again tomorrow for more truth on NSN - No Shit News.

This has been Jay Labier for NSN."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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