Written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 4 January 2018

image for Clinical study on length and potency vs Rocket Man ordered up with follow-up at UN Security Council
Ms. Haley: "I am quite sure he is the winner here, just as he has a larger red button."

Advisors to the President, Ms. Haley among them, have come forward to suggest Mr. Trump settle any lingering doubts on matters related to overall potency in running The Oval Office.

The rumor that Mr. Trump has small hands needs putting into perspective, according to Ms. Haley.

Does it follow that a person (the President) with small hands necessarily indicates smallness in other areas?

Turning to North Korea, definitive studies on Mr. Kim's hands have been immediately verified, according to the FBI as an aspect of the Mueller Investigation, by the New York Times.

Mr. Kim's hands are large ("the hands of a brute," to quote the Times), despite his small stature overall.

The key question amongst these considerations has led to some pausing and use of "um" frequently in attempting to pose the question.

From a reporter who requests anonymity: "Does Mr. Trump's, um, let me see . . . Wait, let me rephrase that question."

Another reporter at the Times puts it this way: "Is Mr. Trump actually longer in certain areas of the anatomy, and by that I'm not referring to his fingers?"

Meticulous measuring teams--re length, circumference, weight, potency, volume--are involved.

Complications arise from absence of such data being volunteered by Mr. Kim's aides, and the difficulty of getting surgical measurement teams into North Korea.

Reports from Mr. Kim's aides that "Rocket Man" has a magnificent propulsion machine, large and well-rounded, plus widely admired in the female population of that country, have not been taken seriously.

Ms. Haley again: "I see it as patriotism to support the President in this area. I am quite sure he is the winner here, just as he has a larger red button. That he might have small hands is no reflection on his ability to handle that red button. He after all could use both hands if needed."

Ms. Haley continued: "But when it comes to something as downright basic and powerful as a man's . . . shall I say . . . well, I won't mention it . . . and especially here in America, 'the one indispensable nation', you see, it's a matter of national security."

The man/woman on the street tends to cut through all this chatter:

"Hell, yes," Average Joe replied to Spoof Investigations, "the President must be longer! It's American to be more!"

Ms. Josephine Average added, "But even if he does beat out that little creep over there I want more measurements! What about Putin! Erdogan! Netanyahu! Huh?"

Mr. Trump has tweeted: "Rest easy, folks, I've had this concern in hand for many years. Extension weights, stretchers, vitamin lengtheners. I know the drill. No contest! Trust me! Little Rocket Man is a sparrow's nest, believe me!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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