Washington, DC - Since 1874 the Republican Party has been symbolized by the elephant, in contrast to the Democratic Party's donkey. Yesterday the GOP announced that it will no longer use the elephant in any advertising or other campaigns.
After secret meetings, the GOP has adopted the turtle as its official mascot.
"Fitting," stated Democratic Senator Bernie Sanders. "We already know that the GOP is so slow that it can't get anything done. And the turtle tucks in its head just like the GOP itself, looking the other way and letting Trump and Russia steal its party away."
"That's Democratic nonsense," stated Donald Trump, Jr. "If it's what you say I love it, especially later in the summer. The turtle represents all that is good about the GOP. Slow and steady. Green for money. International. Isolationists. A perfect choice. Jared and Paul agree as well, we all met about it, but we definitely did not mention anything to my dad. Our Russian contacts are good with it too."
To use the new turtle logo, you must follow GOP trademark guidelines. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org for more information.