TV News Audience Declines

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Tuesday, 28 February 2017

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No news is good news.

NEW YAWK - Whatever letters of the alphabet they use to identify themselves, TV networks have suffered sharp declines in audience for their news programs, as more and more couch potatoes tune out.

Network executives' responses have been predictable. They blame everyone and everything but themselves for viewer's mass desertions.

"It's the new technology," Y. Nerr said, "and busier lifestyles."

"Not to mention Brian Williams and his fake news," Ima Wining said. "Thanks to him and the political hacks the networks use as 'commentators,' TV news is about as trustworthy as-well, Brian Williams."

"They broadcast fake news," former viewer Wally Beaver said. "Nobody's buying climate change. Nobody believes Obama was a good president. Nobody thinks Elizabeth Warren is a reincarnation of Pocahontas."

"I'd rather watch Netflix," ex-viewer Ruth Beatty said. "They don't air news programs."

"But, without the news, how will you keep abreast of the world's affairs?" I asked.

"I don't really care who's sleeping with whom or who's getting breast implants," Beaver said.

"People can do whoever they want," Beatty agreed, "as long as I don't have to hear about it."

"Won't you miss politics, crime reports, the weather?" I asked.

"We have plenty of crime and weather every day," Beaver replied.

"And politics," Beatty answered, "is highly overrated. Just ask Hillary."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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