Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Friday, 13 January 2017

image for The Grim Reaper to Attend President-elect Donald Trump's Inauguration

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Trump spokesperson and Slytherin wannabe Kellyanne Conway announced today on FOX News that the Grim Reaper would be attending President-elect Trump's Inauguration on January 20. Explained Mrs. Conway, through her forked tongue: "Yessss, it's true that President-elect Trump has invited Mr. Reaper to his inaugural event. Mr. Trump truly believes in diversity, and does not want to exclude anyone, living or post-living, from this event."

Mr. Reaper himself, when interviewed by Jake Tapper on State of the Union, enthused: "I'm very excited by Mr. Trump's attempt to repeal Obamacare. I expect, over the next few years, that my business will really take off. In addition to that, the Republicans are now in control of both houses of Congress, so any attempts to tighten restrictions on guns are, so to speak, 'shot.' In short, I expect Mr. Trump to be a real boon to my industry. In fact, I may find myself hiring a few more employees at this point!" (To which Mr. Trump immediately tweeted, "Great news! I've convinced the Grim Reaper to hire tens of thousands more employees! Make America Great Again!!!")

Mr. Reaper also added that, should the US and China engage militarily over the next few years, his plate will be more than full.

At the Inauguration, Mr. Reaper is expected to be seated between Wayne LaPierre of the National Rifle Ass. and Dr. Ben Carson, the sociopath (according to Mr. Trump) who has been tapped to head HUD (the Dept. of Housing and Urban Deterioration). Although Dr. Carson, as a pediatric neurosurgeon, spent his life warding off death, he has said he welcomes Mr. Reaper as a fellow policy wonk.

Asked by Tapper if the Grim Reaper would be performing at the Inauguration, Mr. Reaper said he might consider performing a danse macabre for the President-elect.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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