Hillary's "Secret" Emails Released: Shocking Revelation

Funny story written by SpyDude

Friday, 13 January 2017


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The mystery about Hillary Clinton's "missing" emails has finally been solved, and you may be surprised at the answer.

Hillary Clinton is a power shopper.

The truth is, a great number of Hillary's deleted emails, which were uncovered by the Los Angeles-based Keystone Cyber Security, turned out to be orders and eReceipts from various online stores such as Nordstrom Rack, Saks 5th Avenue, Macy's, and JCPenney, among many other businesses. Numerous recipes, ranging anywhere from baking cookies and cakes to creating mouth-watering chili and barbecue, were also discovered, as well as online credit reports, Prayer Of The Day, and multiple downloads from NetFlix. (Rumors of purchases from Victoria's Secret and Adam & Eve were unconfirmed at the time of publication.)

Present among the emails was evidence of her unknown-until-now eBay store, "Dis, Dat, And Dem." The wise entrepreneur used actual quotes made during the 2016 election tour to be printed on t-shirts, coffee mugs, posters, and paperweights. Some of her best-selling items are emblazoned with quotes lifted directly from her then-opponent, Donald Trump. "Believe me!", "Grab them by the pussy!", "I never said that!", and silk-screened images from Trump's more outrageous tweets are only some of the gems in her store. One very popular image is of a caricature of Donald, thumb and index finger touched together in his signature gesture while speaking, with the caption, "Bring me French fries!" (The gesture he uses is actually American Sign Language for "French fries," according to several ASL teachers and students.). A t-shirt depicting KellyAnne Conway speaking into a microphone and entitled ""Alternate Facts" is another popular design, and sales of Hillary's "Nasty Woman" t-shirts have blazed past the one million mark with no signs of slowing down.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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