Written by Chris Dahl

Friday, 13 January 2017

image for Trump Builds His First Wall … But Not on the Mexican Border

President-Elect Donald Trump's first press conference since his election was, as per the usual, filled with drama and fireworks. A CNN reporter attempted to ask a question concerning a report based on the knowledge of a former British Intelligence officer that implies a strong relationship between Trump and Russian leader Vladimir Putin, and was rebuked in spite of all of his efforts. "Not you. Not you," Trump said as he refused to acknowledge the CNN journalist, Jim Acosta. ""I'm not going to give you a question. You are fake news! Your organization is terrible. Your organization is terrible. Quiet, quiet. She's asking a question, don't be rude."

Acosta was not deterred by the vociferous attack by the president-elect and vowed the following: "We're going to keep doing the news, and that's not something that's going to stop when he goes into the White House," Acosta said. "They can kick us out onto Pennsylvania Avenue. We'll set up our trucks out there, and we'll continue to do those stories."

Trump, with his normal bravado, vowed in return to stem the tide of "fake news" that seems to have plagued his political endeavors and surrounded him for months. This morning, he put his plan into effect.

"I'm sitting there in my office," CNN Digital Executive Kenneth Estenson related, "and I hear all this construction racket going on outside, but I figure, you know, it's Atlanta and I-75 is always under construction, so I didn't think much of it. Then, as the morning goes on, there's - and this is the weird part - less and less sunlight coming in. So, I go over to my window, which faces east so I see the sunrise every day. But, son of a gun, there was this whole mess of cranes and workers and trucks and this huge steel wall is being put up around the building."

"Craziest thing I've ever seen," Turner Broadcast Executive John Martin stated. "I didn't back to the office from a few errands until a little after lunch time and there's this huge, steel wall around the CNN headquarters. Insane, right? But I figure it must be some new, insane security measure, so I figure I'll just go and get back to work."

Martin, however, was not able to simply stroll back to his office. "I was just about to step through an unfinished part of the wall when who else but Donald Trump comes rushing over and starts yelling at me. 'No,no,no, you don't just walk through my wall! Not you and your fake news. No, no, no. And I've got some real news for you, pal. You don't walk through that wall until we put up a big, beautiful door and then you can you walk in like everyone else.' I told him this had to be illegal, but then he just started dancing around and chanting 'imminent domain' over and over again. Pumping his fist and everything. Crazy."

Another Turner executive, Meredith Artley, was as shocked as her co-workers. "Apparently, the company got a document stating that the land surrounding the CNN Headquarters was being seized under the "imminent domain" clause of The Constitution. I guess he just bought the land around the building and slapped this wall up. Acosta must have really pissed him off."

The Eminent Domain Clause permits the government to appropriate private property, both real estate and personal belongings, for a public purpose so long as the owner receives just compensation, which is normally equated with the fair market value of the property. The Fifth Amendment attempts to strike a balance between the needs of the public and the property rights of the owner. When asked how a president-elect was able to invoke such a powerful governmental right as the Fifth Amendment, Trump blustered, "I didn't invoke nothing from the Fifth Amendment. I just bought the land I needed and built my wall. This will show them that fake news will not be tolerated. Uh, uh, no, no, no. We're not gonna let those fake journalists in or out until they realize that fake news will not be tolerated even if it is 100% true. I'll let them know when they can come out and they'll come out through that big, beautiful door I'm gonna put in that wall. Until then, nothing."

So far that door has not been installed, leaving many dazed workers sitting in their cars, desperately trying to text workers on the proverbial inside. Even more CNN employees are trapped inside, which begs the question: Is Trump's wall meant to keep people in or to keep people out? Is it a safety measure, or is it a mini-prison, a microcosm of his vision of society?

"I don't know," quipped one passerby. "But I've been watching this all morning and it's impressive if nothing else. I mean, the way they whipped that thing together - all those machines and all that material, you know? But there's only one definite irony. Did you notice all his workers are Mexcian?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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