Written by JennyNorthStar

Sunday, 23 October 2016

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image for Bill Clinton Given Head for "Blow Jobs For Votes™" Campaign

It leaked out yesterday that the Clinton camp has just launched its "Blow Jobs For Votes™" campaign. This after last Tuesday in Madison Square Garden Madonna pledged to perform oral sex on voters who cast their ballots for Hillary Clinton.

For all you dumb, ignorant Republicans out there who thought this presidential race really sucks, you might be right after all!

The Clinton camp announced that Bill Clinton will be heading up this new voter effort. A Clinton campaign representative said: "Who in the history of politics knows more about blow jobs than Bill Clinton?" "His White House Oval Office antics are legendary and thoroughly documented." "By taking this challenge head on, we are sure he will provide stiff competition to win over voters."

When Bill Clinton was asked about his new campaign assignment, he said: "Golly gee, as you know I have been in Hillary's dog house for a long time." "This presidential campaign season she has only given me the assignments nobody else wants, like those 'ObamaCare is crazy', 'I'm a redneck', and 'Old Gray-Haired White Guys' speeches I recently gave." "This new position will give me the opportunity to cum out and talk about what's really important to Americans." "Forget all those meaningless conversations about the U.S. economy, world peace, and woman's rights." "What people really want to hear about is sex, sex, sex, and more SEX." "Offering sex for votes is just the next logical evolution in true democracy."

Since it's obvious Madonna will have her hands full and, I might add, mouth full, she can only handle so many men before election day. As an alternative, the Clinton's "Blow Jobs For Votes™" campaign will be hiring interns and surrogates to work "poles" in key battleground states. Many believe this is in response to Donald Trump touting his plans to deploy a fleet of partisan election observers to polling stations across the country.

It has been rumored that Monica Lewinsky will come out of hiding and lead the training for the Blow Jobs For Votes™ team. Classes will include the proper use of lips to cover your teeth, effectively using your hands as well as your mouth, suppressing the gag reflex, and how to properly handle a big load under fire - so as not to make a big mess of a dress.

To help ensure against voter fraud, in other words, getting a free blow job without voting for Hillary, a Blow Jobs For Votes™ team member will escort each male into the voter booth. While he is busy unzipping his pants, his votes will be recorded for him. Since some men may not necessarily be in the mood or are suffering from Election Stress Disorder, which has been speculated causes erectile dysfunction, voter polling stations have be instructed to play Madonna's "Like A Virgin" sound track.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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