Dead people joining protest movements and voter lines

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 22 October 2016

image for Dead people joining protest movements and voter lines
Dead on their way to the voting lines

New studies indicate large numbers of dead people are lining up to vote across the country in advance of November 8.

Nigel J. Provender, president of CWS (Cadavers With Soul), is in one of these lines.

He reveals that Mr. Trump's claim dead people will vote on November 8 has brought a large influx "from the valley below," to quote Bob Dylan.

Long lines of these DP's (dead people) are holding signs and singing.

"Join us," reads one of their signs.

According to state records, some DP's still do somehow vote, due to mistaken identity and spelling problems. The problem is occasional, not prolific.

However, Mr. Provender adds, "Until Mr. Trump's assertions, we dead people have not been properly recognized. But now we are upset because our candidates are not on the ballot."

According to a Cadavers With Soul study group, several deceased US presidents also wanted to join the presidential debates but were denied access.

This list includes James Buchanan, Woodrow Wilson, Richard Nixon, all eager to resume The Oval Office and get to work balancing the problems of their presidencies.

Spokesperson for Mr. Nixon, Mr. Jason Nasalsmith (he is deceased but newly active in the Dead Voters Movement), indicates Mr. Nixon would welcome joining up with Mr. Trump.

"He would make a good VP within a new Nixon Administration," said Nasalsmith.

But there are other issues beyond DP's not receiving adequate recognition as a political force in current politics.

A dead refugee problem from all the wars and current foreign policy excursions here and there is causing overcrowding problems below.

Housing, mental health, social media--all these trouble the underworld as much as anywhere amongst the living.

"The road to hell may be paved with good intentions," Mr. Provender stated, "but the problem down there, too, is its crumbling and worn-out infrastructure. Flames could use a boost."

Underworld highways, bridges, and travel facilities in, for example, Regional Hades, need repair and development "to help get the living there faster."

Meanwhile, bands of deceased saber rattlers and admirers of the four horsemen of the apocalypse have joined the protesters.

They're waving flags of Hillary Clinton smiling and holding an axe over her head.

Many of the most vocal of these come from the "Better Dead Than Red" movement of fifty years ago.

"We don't believe in talk or reasoning," they say. "Never did."

Their mission is encouragement toward more war so that the 21st century surpasses the 20th.

The previous century saw more war deaths in its 100 years than in all the wars of recorded history.

It began with WWI: 35 million dead.

"We can do better," these Better Red Than Dead stalwarts insist, turning to their flutes and drums.

"Forget about overcrowding. We have resort properties in the Lake of Fire area waiting for new occupancy."

Accordingly, the real estate business is interested in these properties at Fire Lake Estates, with tours into and overnights at The Farewell Holiday Inn as part of the package.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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