In an unprecedented TV interview on Fox News this morning, Donald J. Trump shocked the nation by confessing that for the past 18 months he has been a "Democrat in wolf's clothing". As the audience sat in stunned silence, he admitted that he was working with the Democratic National Committee to destroy the Republican party, ensure Hillary Clinton's election, and teach Americans by example the ugliness of bigotry, misogyny, racism, xenophobia, and violence.
Shortly after the broadcast, the Academy of Motion Pictures announced that Trump would be presented with an honorary Oscar for exceptional acting, and President Obama awarded him a Distinguished Service Medal for his significant contribution to the nation.
Reached at her home in Chappaqua, New York, Hillary Clinton, the Democratic nominee said she was pleased that the ruse had worked so well, and relieved that it was no longer a secret, adding that "We were running out of crazy things that he could say." She then expressed admiration for Trump's acting abilities, predicting that "Hollywood will be calling".
Moments later, Trump tweeted, "Well, folks, we Democrats have this election sewn up. Mission accomplished!"