Don Grapper

Screen Name: Don Grapper

Don Grapper has published 77 items on The Spoof.

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Latest Spoof News Story: Monday 17th October 2016

Spoofing since: Wednesday 18th February 2015


Location: Guatemala City, France

Profile: Jason Half-Pillow writes from his attic hideout in Rotterdam, Italy, where he works a day job sorting fish.

"Sometimes a Mackerel gets in with all the Sardines," he told a beat reporter for The Newark Daily Masturbator.

He has long advocated allowing nuns to marry, but continues to insist they only marry "other nuns."

A member of The Penguin Liberation Council of Liverpool, Jason Half-Pillow has personally pelted Arctic Room zoo keepers with wet pine cones in San Diego, Lisbon (Portugal not Lichtenstein), and The Central African Republic (country name change now pending finalization of latest coup).

An admirer of "very nice tits," Mr. Half-Pillow can be seen bobbing his head in cadence with college girls jogging braless through London parks, where he does his "wintering" sleeping in an IKEA bookcase box.

"There's nothing I love more than passing a lovely London winter day on some park bench passed by bouncing Betty's, all of them sickened by the vile spectacle of me wolfing down a dozen or so sausage rolls and reading page three of The Sun through my giant, Sherlock Holmes style magnifying glass."

MISTER Jason Half-Pillow, as he makes his retinue of underpaid, Andorran steam bath servants call him, is also an amateur pole vaulter, and recently fulfilled a long held dream of flying over security at Buckingham Palace, where he then attempted to scurry unnoticed inside where he planned on "Rogering" the Queen.

Though he had to settle instead for simply being caught and immediately dragged out and tossed to the ground gruffly by cockney security, he said he "more or less fulfilled my goal" and can now move on to his next "do before I die" dream of pogo sticking across America.

An avid amateur analyzer of teetering, strife-ridden Baltic and Southeast Asian Republics, Jason Half-Pillow has recently been nominated for his 7th Nobel Prize.

"I never really thought myself much of a mathematician," he said passing by on a stolen unicycle, "but I guess the socialist party hacks on the awards committee in Sweden think different."

Mr. Half-Pillow says he's always had a thing for Swedes.

"Especially the stereotypical, dumb blond, big-jugged ones who gullibly cling to your every lying word."

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