Moscow, Russia: Attempting to demonstrate his foreign policy skills, Donald Trump met yesterday with Russian Federation President Vladimir Putin in Moscow. The meeting began with several vodka shots until President Putin presented two horses to Mr. Trump and requested that they ride together.
Both Mr. Trump and Mr. Putin were caught riding horses with their shirts off as they came upon members of the media for a press conference. Trump looked mildly uncomfortable and was surprised to suddenly come upon U.S. and Russian reporters. Mr. Putin only laughed as he reached over and poked Mr. Trump.
Mr. Trump deflected questions as to why he did not have his shirt on, repeating only President Putin's comment that "real men in Russia do not need shirts when riding."
Trying to change the subject, Putin asked, "Donald, is that your real hair?"
In a surprise turn of events, President Putin then pulled from his pants Donald Trump's tax returns for the past five years.
"The Russian government came upon and secured Trump's tax returns from his email server at Trump Tower, and we are pleased to turn them over to you." The returns revealed Mr. Trump's charitable donations, including a sizeable contribution to Mr. Putin's reelection campaign fund. Mr. Trump paid no taxes in 2015.
Mr. Trump later cried out, "Vlad, my friend, I'm going to hit you so hard your head will spin." Mr. Trump was taken from his horse and arrested briefly for threatening the President.
Mr. Trump later said he was only being sarcastic and that he didn't mean to use the word "hit". Reporters noted that sometimes Mr. Trump uses the word "hit" when he really means "squeeze", "hug" or "kiss."
Hillary Clinton, Trump's presidential election opponent, noted by Twitter: "Russia, if you're listening, please ask Donald to keep his shirt on."