According to reliable sources from the Other Side, Donald Trump's mother is turning in her grave over Melania's speech at the Republican Convention.
Invisible cyber spyders from the Fourth Dimension have reported anomalous activity in TheDonald's bedroom. Red alert. This footage has been confiscated by the Secret Service.
According to the confiscated footage, TheDonald will try desperately to keep this information from getting out.
He will be tossing and turning, repeating an ever-repeating loop: "Melania will never be first lady."
Unable to sleep away the humiliation his wifey put him through at the Republican Convention, Trump will lay in the dark, half asleep, and think of Mommy. What would Mommy say?
Then, as if by telepathy, the ghost of Donald's dead mother appears as a blue-white specter in the mirror.
"Donald!" she calls out in an angry tone. "What have you done to our family name, you silly boy."
"Mummy," he screams, teeth chattering with fright. "I didn't do it. It was Melania, Mummy."
"You've been a bad boy, Donald!"
His lower lip quivering with fear, Trump shrinks back and adopts a fetal position. "I told her to work with the accent coach, but she's always too busy chatting with her Eastern European ex-boyfriend, er. What's his name? Oh yeah, Jure. Jure Zorcic, mamma."
"Shut up, Donald," she barked. "Mommy's going to cut off your peepee if you don't be quiet."
"No, Mommy, no."
"Quiet, I said. Did you not see Melania tonight?"
"What, Mommy? She wasn't so bad ... was she?"
"She's a fake, you moron. She can't even mean what she says. And what about those claims about plagiarism Twitter is talking about? What in the name of God is that, Donald?"
"Don't listen to Twitter, Mommy."
Furiously, the angry ghost of Donald's mother slaps his son.
"You are forever disowned by the Trump family."
"Why, Mommy, why?"
"Melania is an embarrassment to our All-American traditions. She can't even speak English properly. Did you hear how she pronounces her 't's and her 'r's? She sounds like a Muslim from the Middle East. How ironic is that, Donald?"
"No more, Mommy, I can't take it, please. Don't take my peepee, please, don't take my peepee."
"At least Bobby's wife speaks English."
"Mommy, don't be cruel, please."
"Go to your room!"
"I am in my room, Mommy."
"I shall return, Donald, you have pissed off all the ancestors on your mother's side. You are a disgrace to our family. We shall be waiting for you when you die."
This is the end of the transcription. The rest of the footage is gone after this. The only thing we know is that Trump will have a Twitter meltdown in the days following the convention.
Meanwhile, Melania will continue memorizing speeches and repeat everything she is told to repeat. She is the perfect first lady.
