Trump Set To Deport Illegals - Finds Entertaining Way To Do It

Funny story written by Chris Paxman

Thursday, 12 November 2015

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You're FIred!

Burgeoning politician (and president) Donald Trump has once again riled the American public and got illegal immigrants twitching in their hammocks. If Trump is elected, and it's an 'if' the size of Trump Towers, 11 million people could find themselves booted out of the United States.

Aside from the emotional ties Americans feel from living and working alongside those who will be affected, critics have also highlighted the impracticality of deporting such a large batch of people.

The answer: Immigrant Apprentice.

Yes, ever the creative entrepreneur, Mr Trump has found a way to appease his abhorring public and get some cash ratings in the process.

''I wanted a Battle Royale or The Running Man format, but my legal team shot it down,'' said the tycoon.

The show will pit 20 contestants against each other over 6 weeks. Losers get shipped out for free, but the winner will get to stay in the U.S. - albeit with conditions.

''They'll come and work for me, probably as custodians. I'm not convinced these people are business minded,'' Trump added.

T.V. critics have attacked the idea, suggesting Trump is using illegals to personally profit from the show's ratings - a perverse revenge for all the tax dollars he feels they should have paid. There's a feeling that now he's president they owe him the money personally.

''I hate to think how many series it will run for, The Apprentice is already stuck in people's throats like a chewed-up bit of meat they can't quite shift,'' said a T.V. analyst. ''And it could actually lead to more illegals entering the country just to get on the show. He's basically setting up an immigration lottery.''

There is also the question of where 11 million people could be displaced to, but following his epic fantasy wall, Trump has once again taken inspiration from fantasy fiction.

''I saw a Superman film on television a while back. It was a lousy movie, but Lex Luthor - a savvy businessman - built a continent for himself. I don't think we can get our hands on Kryptonite, but if we could somehow induce a volcanic eruption beneath the sea, we could have some prime real estate on our hands,'' he said.

Yes, Donald, and we all have ideas about who should go and live there.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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