Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Monday, 20 July 2015

image for Trump Channels Barry White at Campaign Event
"I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why. / I can't get enough of my love babe."

HOT SPRINGS, ARK--Donald Trump, speaking out of an aperture that he customarily uses for sitting, spoke, in a low bass voice, to his admirers at a campaign event in Arkansas, saying,

"I've heard people say that too much of anything is not good for you. Oh no. But I don't know about that. There's many times that I've loved and shared love and made love to myself. It doesn't seem to me like it's enough. There's just not enough of it. There's just not enough. Oh no, babe."

Then Trump began singing to the surprised crowd, channeling Barry White:

My darlings, I can't get enough of my love
Oh yeah, I don't know, I don't know why
Can't get enough of my love babe.
Oh, some things I can't get used to
No matter how I try
Just like the more I talk, the more I want
And baby, that's no lie
Oh no, babe, that's no lie.

Tell me, what more can I say?
What am I gonna do?
How should I feel when my billions are me, voters?
What kind of love is this that I'm givin' you?
Is it in my wealth or just because I'm rich and hosted The Apprentice?

GOP base, all I know is every time you're here
I feel the change
Somethin' moves
I scream my garbage
And you still love me, babe.

Donald, I can't get enough of my love, babe.
Donald, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
I can't get enough of my love babe.
Oh no, babe.

Voters, if I could only make you see
And make you understand
That I'm not just a blowhard who grandstands
And makes shit up whenever I'm mic'd up.

How can I explain all the things I feel?
I've given me so much!
(Man, I'm so unreal.)
Still I keep loving me
More and more each time.
Media, what am I gonna do
Because I blow your mind?

I get the same old feelin' every time McCain speaks
I feel the change
Somethin' moves me
To insult his honor
Do whatcha got to do.

Donald, I can't get enough of my love babe.
Oh no, babe, can't get enough of my love.

Voters, let me use all of my wealth to find you.
Otherwise you can believe it's gonna take
More bluster just to keep you.

Oh no, babe.
Oh Donald, I can't get enough of my love, babe.
Yeah, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why
Can't get enough of my love, babe.
Oh my Donald, I can't get enough of my love babe.
Oh babe
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why.

I can't get enough of my love babe.

After the speech, Donald Trump was led off the stage by himself as the adoring crowd went wild.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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