GOP to "Consciously Uncouple" from Donald Trump

Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Tuesday, 14 July 2015

image for GOP to "Consciously Uncouple" from Donald Trump
"He again, as he always does when we talk, reaffirmed his love and respect for me, the world's richest man!"

WASHINGTON, D. C.--Taking a page from Gwyneth Paltrow, the GOP announced today that it is going to "consciously uncouple" from its long-time partner, Donald Trump.

Ever since Trump announced his bid for the presidency in mid-June, the couple, friends say, has been experiencing some friction, especially after Trump said of undocumented immigrants from Mexico: "When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best. They're sending people that have lots of problems. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists."

The GOP tried to iron out its relationship with Trump in a phone call between Trump and RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, at which time Chairman Priebus asked the GOP's lover to "tone it down." Donald Trump, however, had a completely different impression of the phone call: "Reince and I talked for nearly ten minutes. He again, as he always does when we talk, reaffirmed his love and respect for me, the world's richest man!"

Shortly after the phone call, however, the GOP announced that it was going to consciously uncouple from the 2016 presidential hopeful. Explained Priebus: "The idea is you try to do it with minimal acrimony and you say, 'Look, we both hate Hillary Clinton; but we're always going to be a family, so let's try to find all the positives in our relationship, all the things that brought us together, the friendship." Priebus continued: "We actually have a really strong friendship and we laugh and we have fun, but there are certain issues, like immigration, that we stay away from."

Friends say the couple, whom they affectionately call GOPald, have not talked to each other since the phone call last week between the two lovers.

In a related story, the National Council of La Raza, a large advocacy group representing Hispanics in the U.S., is going a step further than the Republicans and is filing for divorce from Trump, citing, according to its president Janet Murguia, "irreconcilable differences."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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