WASHINGTON, DC - President Barack Obama signed an Executive Order today, mandating that schools offer breakfast in bed for disadvantaged students.
When the school bell rings, many children file into classrooms and open their textbooks. Increasingly, they're also eating only a bowl of cereal.
In an effort to increase the number of children eating breakfast, Mr. Obama has mandated that children of low-income families be ordered to eat breakfast in bed.
"It is a travesty that the children of the wealthy are given healthy meals, while the poor are forced to eat at McDonnalds or, worse yet, Burger King", Mr. Obama stated.
The new program will be headed by Professor Ian Eed Ewe, new Cabinet-level secretary for the US Department of Breakfast in Bed.
