Chris Christie refuses to shower in GOP locker room

Written by B Pierce

Tuesday, 3 February 2015

image for Chris Christie refuses to shower in GOP locker room
Chris Christie refused to shower with GOP candidates

DES MOINES, IA - It was reported today that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie refused to shower with other GOP hopefuls after the 2015 Freedom Summit hosted by Iowa Congressman Steve King.

At the annual event several potential presidential candidates addressed the largely conservative crowd. After the speeches concluded they all headed to the GOP locker room. The entire field, including national figures like Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker and Texas Governor Rick Perry, confidently made their way to the shower for a rinse. It was only Governor Christie who refused to join.

Christie, reportedly wearing a white t-shirt and swim trunks, deployed several excuses as to why he was unwilling to shower. Among them, "Guys, I really didn't get that sweaty," and "I just really prefer to shower at home."

Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, known for his inflammatory anti-gay rhetoric, allegedly tried to coax Christie into the shower by poking his side and shouting, "C'mon Governor, the water is so, so hot!"

Texas Senator Ted Cruz was more forceful with his attempts to get Christie into the shower. Cruz reportedly whipped Governor Christie repeatedly with a wet towel while yelling taunts such as "Hey, get in here and wash between those rolls!" and "Sooie, sooie pig, pig, pig!"

It was 2012 Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney who eventually stuck up for Christie. A towel-wrapped Romney rubbed the Governor's shoulders and allegedly told him, "Don't worry, Chris, we can shower after everyone else is gone."

Governor Christie's press secretary did not respond to questions relating to the incident.

In unrelated news, it was announced today that Governor Christie has reversed his position and now supports anti-bullying legislation currently being debated in the New Jersey legislature.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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