Dollar Counterfeiter Jailed for Life

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Sunday, 6 July 2014

image for Dollar Counterfeiter Jailed for Life
Exhibit A.

Gotfried Right was today jailed for life at a ground-breaking trial in the Superior Court of San Francisco. Gotfried, a professor of graphic design at the Academy of Art had set up a printing press in his garage and proceeded to print what the prosecution called a "staggering amount of counterfeit one hundred dollar bills". Judge Helmut Fastbinder showed the accused no mercy for his refusal to recognize the court.

"I do not recognize the court," he announced from the dock. "In fact, this is the first time I have been in it. More to the point, I do not acknowledge that it is or could ever be a democratic institution. It is a corrupt oligarchy run by Freemasons."

Gotfried's lawyer Luigi Amaroso Hood apologized to the court for his client's behaviour; but the judge was not impressed.

"Making counterfeit money is theft.." he began as he passed sentence.

"I could not agree more!" excalimed Gotfried.

""I was going to give you a twenty-five year sentence," said Judge Fastbinder,shaking his head, "but for your insolence Sir and your refusal to recognize this court, I have decided to increase this substantially as an example to all who think they have a right to play around with the economy of an entire nation. Have you anything to say before I pass sentence?"

"Yes!" replied Gotfried. "I have created a bill that is indistinguishable from the real thing, a work of art worthy of the Turner Prize. I have made millions of them and distributed them to the poor and needy. Instead of being honoured for my generosity and congratulated on my skills I am being jailed. I did this because I figured that if this country is going to be dragged into self-destruction by the banking system then... let it be for something moral and sane for once, other than greed. My understanding is simply this... If the Federal Reserve Bank that is a privately owned institution, can legally print all the money it wants, whenever it wants, with no impediment from the law or the government, then, on the democratic principle upon which our nation was founded that all rights are equal under the law, so can I! If they can do it, so can I!"

Gotfried got jailed for life.

Warner Bros have offered Gotfried a movie contract for his story. It is unlikely however that he will accept the offer.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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