Hannity comes out as gay after watching Magic Mike with wife

Written by Citizen Thymes

Thursday, 12 July 2012

NEW YORK, NY- Magic Mike collected $39.2 million at the box office this weekend and left thousands of ladies lusting for more as the credits ticked away.

But for one conservative pundit, Magic Mike changed his life forever.

Sean Hannity, a conservative radio show host and host of Fox News' Hannity, announced Sunday that he is in fact gay.

Hannity described to reporters on Sunday how Magic Mike eased his transition out of the proverbial closet.

"I was sitting there in the theatre with my wife like I normally do on Saturdays, but something was just different this time," said Hannity.

"My mind just cleared and I found myself mesmerized by Channing Tatum's glistening chest. The baby oil drew my attention to a single tear of sweat that slid down Tatum's breast and dripped off his erect nipple like a leaky faucet and my pants just exploded."

Hannity, who has repressed feelings he has had for fellow males for years, explains coming out was important for him to feel comfortable in his own skin.

"While I was watching Magic Mike, I couldn't help but think what it would be like to be the stripper pole Tatum twirled on," said Hannity.

"That made me happy and I want to be happy all the time."

Hannity's recent announcement will no doubt have an impact on his marriage with his wife Jill Rhodes Hannity.

However, the announcement has confirmed what bloggers have known for years.

The Daily Kos reported rumors in 2008 that Hannity once had a gay sexual experience with a white supremacist, Hal Turner and had several affairs with men in the past, earning him the nickname 'Handy Hannity.'

Hannity failed to comment on whether his outing would change his stance on gay marriage, an issue he has strongly opposed in the past.

Hannity recently signed a four-year extension with Fox News in May.

Channing Tatum and Tatum's erect nipple were unavailable for comment Sunday evening.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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