Right-wingers threaten to move to country with universal health care, gay marriage

Written by rvler9201

Sunday, 1 July 2012


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Canada: destination for those looking to escape socialism

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Conservatives across the country, angry over the Supreme Court's upholding of Obamacare, have declared their intentions to move to Canada. Sources say the country has provided free health care for its citizens for decades.

"This country is out of control," wrote a blogger on WorldNetDaily. "I refuse to subject myself or my family to the tyranny of Obama's socialism anymore and will move to Canada at the next opportunity."

Birmingham, Alabama resident Charles Nost echoed those sentiments. "This is not the America I know anymore. Our Founders didn't fight the British monarchy for this; it's Canada for me."

At press, Canada's head of state is Queen Elizabeth II of Britain.

"[The Supreme Court] has put the final nail in the coffin of this once-great nation," said Arlington, Virginia resident Matthew Neilson. "If Romney doesn't win in November, I am heading North. It's only a matter of time when a country legalizes the killing of unborn infants that it rots from inside." Canada has had on-demand abortion with no time restriction since 1988.

Government-run health care and social democracy have been mainstays of Canadian government for decades, and political analysts consider Canada to be a far more left-leaning country than the United States-a reason why threatening to move there has been fashionable for liberals for generations.

"Americans moving to Canada first became popular during the Vietnam war, to avoid the draft," explained Canadian social scientist Mark Kristenberg. "Since then, many Americans have threatened to move up north, usually in response to what they view to be extreme right-wing policies or events-the reelection of George W. Bush, corporate personhood, preemptive war, and the like. Actually, it's pretty much unheard of for a Republican or conservative to want to come here for political asylum."

Despite Kristenberg's objections, no conservative commentator has yet to renege on their threats to move to a country with a national pension plan and subsidized college education.

"I can't wait to get up to the untamed Canadian wilderness, where real men live and work, [and] get away from all those homos in the U.S.," said Omaha, Nebraska resident Kevin Gottlieb, who will soon be moving to the nation that legalized same-sex marriage in 2005.

Despite its heavy restrictions on abortion and gay marriage, higher percentage of religious adherents, lack of welfare programs, and weakened federal government, no Republican has expressed interest in maintaining residence in Mexico.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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