New York Presbyterian Adopts Radical New Post-Op Cancer Treatment: Cross Fingers and Hope for Best

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 6 April 2012

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Hope is New York Presbyterian's prescription for post-op cancer patients.

As part of its ongoing mission to improve quality of care while lowering health care costs, New York Presbyterian Hospital recently announced that it was adopting a radical new treatment methodology for post-operative cancer patients: cross fingers and hope for the best.

The hospital's shift in its approach to post-op cancer care came about after health care analysts observed that standard post-operative treatments for cancer patients were extremely expensive, extenuated, painful to endure, and had few guarantees of success. It was also apparent that hospital patients were increasingly seeking a more holistic approach to health care.

"This new treatment approach incorporates the best of all worlds," stated New York Presbyterian CEO Dr. Steven Corwin. "It relies upon longstanding home remedies like crossing your fingers, and it taps into the immensely healing power of emotions like hope. And unlike with other post-op treatments like radiation and chemotherapy, there are no negative side effects."

Given the plethora of advantages offered by the "cross fingers, hope for best" treatment, Dr. Corwin noted that the fact that the new approach will also lower hospital expenses by millions of dollars per year was virtually irrelevant.

The hospital's revolutionary post-op treatment is what drew post-op cancer patient Regina Driscoll to New York Presbyterian.

"I'm a whole person, not just a cancer survivor - well, hopefully survivor!" says Driscoll, who underwent surgery for breast cancer last month at New York's Mount Sinai Hospital. "I want a doctor who doesn't just want my cancer to go away, but who genuinely wants the very best for me, in all respects. I think I'll find that here. I hope so, at least!" she added with a cheerful wave of her crossed fingers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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