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Funny satire stories about capital punishment

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Funny story: Priti Patel Vows To Make Criminals Terrified Of The Law

Priti Patel Vows To Make Criminals Terrified Of The Law

New Home Secretary, Priti Patel, has said that criminals should be made "terrified of the law", and that she wants them to: "literally feel terror". Patel told anyone who would listen, that: "The Conservative Party is the party of law and or...

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Funny story: The Case For Capital Punishment

The Case For Capital Punishment

A child murderer who was sentenced to life imprisonment, and was told he would never walk free again, has been cleared to walk free again. David McGreavy, now 69, was babysitting three children for his landlady in 1973, when the children started...

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Funny story: Big Pharma Wants Slower More Expensive Drugs For Lethal Injection

Big Pharma Wants Slower More Expensive Drugs For Lethal Injection

Pharmaceutical titan Pfoozer announced on Friday that they were imposing sweeping controls limiting the use of their drugs for the purpose of execution by lethal injection. They join a growing list of big pharma companies coming out strongly in oppos...

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Funny story: Supreme Court Justice Advocates Stomping on Dead Puppies

Supreme Court Justice Advocates Stomping on Dead Puppies

WASHINGTON -- In a 5-4 ruling the U.S. Supreme Court established new guidelines for States who execute criminals for capitol crimes. "In view of the reality that there are significant problems with the five methods currently used to execute peop...

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Funny story: Ripping Out Heart Better Than Lethal Injection

Ripping Out Heart Better Than Lethal Injection

Dr. Joseph Mangele of Yale University, authority of Aztec culture and society, has written a book justifying capital punishment. He argues that when the state murders, in both societies, the ulterior motive is to maintain order and to sustain the pow...

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Funny story: Traditional Values Still Alive as Texas Celebrates 500th Execution

Traditional Values Still Alive as Texas Celebrates 500th Execution

Texas cemented its place at the top of the leader board for number of executions per state on Wednesday, and the general atmosphere is one of joviality as Texans revel in their dominance of the capital punishment stats. Bill Delacroix, an executio...

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Funny story: Daily Mail Readers Campaign For Return Of Death Penalty

Daily Mail Readers Campaign For Return Of Death Penalty

Following the brutal killing of two young police officers in Manchester, a not insignificant number of Daily Mail readers have signalled their intention to campaign for the reinstatement of capital punishment. Amongst comments left on the Mail's w...

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Funny story: Romney Demands Death Penalty Reform

Romney Demands Death Penalty Reform

WASHINGTON, DC - On Sunday, Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney criticized the current punishment system and announced that he will revolutionize the death penalty by instituting a new system if elected. "Public executions are the answer...

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Funny story: A Turkey of a Holiday

A Turkey of a Holiday

In a stunning development yesterday, President Barack Obama has declined to grant clemency to Tom Turkey. The White House press secretary read a written statement which said in part, "I know this decision is going to make me unpopular, but there sim...

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Funny story: With 46th execution of 2011, U.S. still lags miserably behind China and Iran

With 46th execution of 2011, U.S. still lags miserably behind China and Iran

WASHINGTON, D.C.--With two executions this week, the U.S. has recorded a total of 46 government-sanctioned murders against citizens in 2011. Incidentally, the U.S. leads the Americas by the same number, as no other such country in the hemisphere a...

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Funny story: Hollyoaks introduced as main execution method

Hollyoaks introduced as main execution method

Authorities in Yemen have introduced "Hollyoaks watching" has their main method of execution - for killing all their bastards in prison. Government Minister, Al Haque Im Hammeem stated in the local press that "We thought that stoning criminals to...

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Funny story: China invents new method of capital punishment

China invents new method of capital punishment

Beijing, China - Apart from the usual communistic practices, China has invented a new method of capital punishment. A pool is filled with saltwater and the condemned are placed in the pool. This is done on a day in which storms are expected.

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Funny story: Hanging Is Back - And In Public!

Hanging Is Back - And In Public!

In a shock move to restore popularity, Government Ministers have announced the re-introduction of capital punishment. The Home Secretary has taken it upon himself, under the Prevention of Terrorism Act, to bring back the rope. "I mean, we can get...

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Funny story: American Headmaster At London School Kills Student

American Headmaster At London School Kills Student

Roger Evans, headmaster at the Westchester Boys Academy in London, has been arrested on charges of killing young student Bobby Simpson. Evans is accused of having the child shot to death by a group of older boys in a military sciences class. The He...

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Funny story: Capital Punishment - Will It Return To Our Schools?

Capital Punishment - Will It Return To Our Schools?

There are suggestions that Gordon Broon is considering the reintroduction of capital punishment in the nation's schools. The moral breakdown of society and the growing lack of discipline in our schools are partly to blame. Broon also needs to find so...

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Funny story: More Humane Executions in Texas?

More Humane Executions in Texas?

Hanging Tree, TX (USA Today) - Based on the issues presented to the Supreme Court recently regarding the humanity of lethal injections some Texas legislators are proposing more humane forms of execution. Stating a long time, yet unwritten, policy reg...

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Funny story: 'Life in New Jersey' to Replace Death Penalty

'Life in New Jersey' to Replace Death Penalty

TRENTON - New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine is outlawing the death penalty in the Garden State. "We are replacing capital punishment with 'Life in New Jersey' without the possibility of parole. Capital punishment is a piec...

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