Secret Shame of the NHS

Funny story written by IainB

Thursday, 4 August 2011

image for Secret Shame of the NHS
Somebody hold this artery I'm going for a fag break

It is the secret shame of the NHS, but they have a higher percentage of smokers than any other workforce in England.

"The typical percentage of smokers in industry," said Minister for Health, Phil Hammond, "is about five percent. This includes typical strongholds, such as builders, mechanics and call centre staff. In the NHS, the percentage is twenty-five. Five times the national average."

The only group that has a higher percentage are the unemployed.

"The unemployed are at nearly seventy percent," said Hammond. "We expect this to be a demographic thing."

With a one in four chance of dealing with a health worker that smokes, it makes taking health advice from them difficult.

"Why should I listen to the health visitor bang on about quitting when I can smell she hasn't?" asked mum-to-be, Tina Gerr. "I'm only fifteen, and even I know that."

Previously, the NHS has been seen to be pro-actively discouraging smokers, with completely smoke free hospitals and offices.

"We've not let people smoke anywhere in the grounds for some time now," said Head of Technical Services at Withington Hospital, Lou Scannon. "We are seriously considering reversing that decision."

So far, surgeons haven't had a break half way through open heart surgery to go for a fag break, but some think it is only a matter of time. Though, they will have to remove the mask first.

Phil Hammond is starting a study group to get to the bottom of why the NHS is bucking the national trend this way.

"If we can understand the reasons," said Hammond. "Perhaps we can put in measures to get our own staff to quit before we ask the public to follow suit."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more