BP Win Pipe Smoker of the year

Written by IainB

Monday, 4 July 2011

image for BP Win Pipe Smoker of the year
The oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico holding the trophy

BP's Deepwater Horizon oil well has won the company the coveted Pipe Smoker of the year award for 2011.

"We were quite surprised," said CEO of BP, Michael Barrymore. "Not just about the award, but the fact that it has been a year since we managed to cap the well. Still, at least we've won an award. You've got to find the positives. You crazy crazy Brits."

Tobias Coe, head of the PSO, Pipe Smokers Organisation, has defended the decision.

"We like to be controversial with our selections," said Coe. "We've not actually chosen a smoker for about ten years, and it always gets us in the news. We're running out of people who will accept this coveted award. The last real celebrity we got was David Tennant, but we've had Jade Goody and Tom Cruise, neither of whom have ever even held a pipe. At least the Deepwater Horizon pump was a pipe and it smoked."

Depending on how much news coverage the new award to an inanimate object that caused millions of square kilometres of damage to the marine environment and cost billions of dollars to clean up, Tobias Coe already has his sights set on the 2012 Pipe Smoker of the year.

"We'll be talking to Amy Winehouse and Charlie Sheen," said Coe. "They both have the advantage of smoking a pipe, so at least we have a basis for the award. If neither of them will accept it, we might go for some Icelandic Volcano or something."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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