Nine million British adults never been online, OFFWRIST say. Still use paper based porn.

Written by matthatt

Saturday, 28 August 2010

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Huh, what? I was just ... er ...cleaning my mouse!

More than nine million British adults have never used the internet, despite Government efforts to encourage people to go online for their daily dose of dingle dangles and depraved doxies doing dirty demonstrations.

While a million extra "silver surfers" have logged on in the last year, concerns have been raised that those who are still not using the internet are being excluded from a more hygienic onanistic experience.

Due to the easy, wipe clean surface of a desk top PC, as compared to the filthy germ factory that is a copy of Jugs Monthly, all man handled, soiled and having been rested, one handed on laps, wash basins and bath edges the length and breadth of the British Isles, the Government wants everyone to come over to the new cleaner, healthier, 21st century monkey spanking and bean flicking experience.

'It's also good for the environment' said a spokesperson, who then went on to say 'Do you remember when you were a kid and you used to see old porn mags thrown in the hedge? it's purely because of the internet that you don't see that anymore.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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