Here at Skoob News, we couldn't quite believe this one either. But gay man, Oliver Van Krammp of Rotterdam in the Netherlands insisted to our man that his story was true.
"It happens to us gays all the time," he lamented. "One day you are fine and hunky dory, and the next minute, your arse has healed up. It just heals up. It becomes sealed, and you can't do a thing with it."
Our reporter contacted world renowned arse doctor, Anus Sphinctre, to enquire whether or not such a situation could arise in reality. Doctor Sphinctre told us:
"I've never come across it. Not in a gay way either. I've never heard of anybody's arse healing up. I've looked in the text books and checked on the internet and there's no mention of anybody's arse ever healing up. It sounds impossible to me. Such a person would not be able to shit. They would literally fill up with shit and poison themselves. To death."
Our reporter immediately confronted Oliver Van Krammp with his findings, and challenged the veracity of his claim, but Van Krammp was adamant, telling our reporter:
"My arse has definitely healed up. If you don't believe me, let's go out back and I'll show you."
Our reporter told Van Krammp to 'fuck off.' In no uncertain terms.
Oliver Van Krammp is currently recovering from a severe beating. In the hospital. Whether or not his arse has healed up remains a matter for debate.
More as we get it.
