Foppish self-crucifier Sebastian Whorsley found dead

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 17 June 2010


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image for Foppish self-crucifier Sebastian Whorsley found dead
Whorsley at Count Gottfried Von Bismarck's 40th birthday party in 2002

London - (WTF?): The 47 year-old OD'd on smack just two days after the stage production of his memoir Dandy in the Underworld opened to rave reviews at the Soho Theatre.

Paramedics attending his Meard Street apartment were staying schtum today.

But media reports claimed there had been signs of classic auto-erratic (sic) paraphernalia scattered about the bedroom.

Decorated like a New York Meat Packing District S&M bordello the second floor flat overlooked some of Soho's most notorious commercial sex salons including The Yin/Yang Boudoir in Peter Street and Big Momma Fifi's.

Horsley had lived in the W1 apartment for five years, spinning out an Oscar Wilde-like existence fuelled by drink, drugs and promiscuous sex.

A self-confessed former hooker the flamboyant Soho bon viveur once described himself as 'obscene, debasing and disgraceful'.

Three years ago his love/hate alter ego and sometime sex partner Count Gottfried Von Bismarck was found dead aged 44 at his Chelsea home from a cocaine and morphine overdose.

Pals claimed this was a terrible turning point for Horsley who was distraught to lose a Teutonic soulmate as well as partner in mischief.

Police said today a postmportem is expected later in the week once pathology tests have evaluated decades of bodily abuse.

This inlcudes the 2002 Philippines crucification scars, dozens of self-flagellation marks and myriad vein-searching track marks that crisscrossed his gaunt, junkie limbs.

Funeral arrangements are expected to be announced imminently.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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