Brown Admits To Upping The Tempo

Funny story written by Earl Grey

Saturday, 24 April 2010

image for Brown Admits To Upping The Tempo
Current tempo trends were disappointing

Gordon Brown has admitted that he is "upping the tempo" in the General Election campaign. With just two weeks to go he has upped the tempo. He said "Yes, I've upped the tempo. Always when you get near to the election, you up the tempo. We are near the election, so I've upped the tempo."

"Upping the tempo" is, of course, political speak for "fuck it, we're coming third". It's one of those phrases which politicians use repeatedly in interviews when there is nothing left to say.

Asked if he was facing certain defeat, Brown responded "No, we are upping the tempo. With an upped tempo we can still win. Upping the tempo is a good idea."

Brown was then asked what upping the tempo means. "It means that I've got to step into the limelight. I think we should focus on key issues, such as me and me again."

An upped tempo was once famously used by Neil Kinnock at a rally in Sheffield, with spectacular success. For the Conservatives.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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